When I first started on my own journey at the ripe old age of 29, I never could imagine the hardships and long waiting time (12 years to be precise) my husband, families and I would endure. If your journey is anything like mine then please know I can uniquely empathize, and truly also sympathize with what you’re feeling now. I personally fell into this category and felt awful being the one at my wit’s end.
The frustration, anger, jealousy, isolation, helplessness and most hurtful of all, the hopelessness, becomes a dark shadow from which we can’t escape. Those of us who have endured year after year of Infertility become like seasoned soldiers from the trenches seeking a hard shell with which to protect ourselves from the pain we feel inside. We live with this heaviness in our hearts and souls, day in/day out and, unless others have been where we are, don’t fully grasp the magnitude of our despair. Friends and family try to help but don’t know what to say or end up saying the wrong things. Others, unfortunately, are clueless and insensitive with comments relating to our childless existence and make you want to avoid social interactions at all costs, as time moves on.
I’m here to tell you, though, there is always hope! Medical advancements and potent, natural fertility enhancers are being found every day and it’s my sincere goal to showcase them for you. There are so many different treatments available, in A.R.T. (Assisted Reproductive Technologies), in Eastern Medicine, and in DIY (Do it yourself) options that, should you decide to continue on your journey, would be so worthwhile for you to explore!
People always ask me what was the turning point for me that finally brought us success? I believe it was a combination of the use of a Gestational Carrier (who is our family’s angel now and forever), a spectacular RE and clinic, an excellent IVF protocol (after 5 previously failed ones), changing my diet and lifestyle, taking supplements by the handful, and most importantly, gumption and belief in the “impossible”… aka our blessed son.
So, what does this all mean for you? It means that you need to press the re-set button (yes, again!) and follow this Guide to a whole new path to follow which, we fervently hope, will lead you to your own personal success story. (Need Inspiration? Read my story here…)
STEP 1– FOLLOW OUR GUIDES. I’m sure that you’ve seen the previous guides we’ve created but, in case you haven’t, please read them for valuable knowledge you can use right now.
STEP 2- RE-ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE! Infertility sucks…there’s no other way around it. Feeling like you’re in a constant battle against your own body and each day’s inevitable fertile decline, your finances and how to pay for these treatments, your friends/family who don’t understand, even your partner (if you don’t agree on your next steps) can be daunting and overwhelming. Now is the time to say STOP! and to start to take control back in your life. Whether you have undergone an IUI, IVF and it/they have failed or you’ve tried acupuncture and gotten nowhere…there’s always a new change (however slight) that can make not only a difference but THE difference that turns everything in your favor. How’s this…consider the story of the patent officer, in the late 1800’s, who turned in his resignation at the Patents office with the reason being that everything that could possibly be invented had already been so! Obviously, he was so wrong. Take this information and incorporate it into your own thinking…have you REALLY done everything in your power to change things? Have you truly made all of the efforts to modify your lifestyle, diet, bad habits as a permanent change instead of an occasional one? Are you open to trying just one more IVF, perhaps at a different clinic, or incorporating a brand new protocol altogether? Let us guide you to re-set your frame of mind:
Read our post: Moving Forward
STEP 3– JOIN OUR FREE, ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP. Remember what I mentioned about others not understanding at all what you and your partner are going through? Yeah, I get it. I too kept my infertility to myself and tried to deal with it the best way I knew how. Know, though, that you don’t have to and that there is a very large group of women (and men) undergoing the same trials and struggles as you. “Finding Strength in numbers” seems like it wouldn’t fit here but it actually fits quite well! Yes, your infertility journey is uniquely yours but the wealth of knowledge, support, understanding and inspiration is invaluable. You’ll be amazed at how soul-enriching it is to finally speak with others who truly can sympathize and to gain their insider’s advice and uplift you so desperately need! I lead these meetings on a regular basis and offer my own 12+ years of knowledge on the latest treatments and advancements as well offering some much-needed advice, just like any good friend would.
Now, there are support groups you can access that are in-person. One good resource is at the National Infertility Association, known as Resolve. (currently serving just our U.S. readers. If looking for support groups in your area outside of the U.S., please message me directly). Hopefully you’ve seen the brochure at your RE’s office and it was the very first support group meeting I ever attended. It was so helpful and got me through some very difficult times. Some clinics even have in-house counselors to help you to deal with the pain and struggles you and your partner are feeling and regular support groups to join.
However, if you feel that you need additional support aside from these meetings or feel that a veteran’s insight would benefit you as well, then what are you waiting for? Sign up and join us.
STEP 4- POST YOUR QUESTIONS ONLINE. Achieve Conceive’s online community is a valuable resource where you can share your questions and comments with others who can help. I frequently engage as well and give my insight and advice whenever possible. Need to know if anyone has tried a new protocol and succeeded? Who’s a great RE in your state? Is it normal to feel a particular way during an IVF cycle? These and a million more questions can be answered simply by engaging with our community.
STEP 5- SIGN UP! Are you more of a Facebook user? Then consider posting your questions on our FB page and joining our community there. I regularly post interesting and valuable articles that can help you on your journey. I’m active on Twitter, YouTube and Pinterest as well so consider following us there as well. Finally, sign up to receive our latest posts right to your inbox.
STEP 6- CONSIDER A GC- A GC is aka a Gestational Carrier. In my own journey, the main thing we decided to bypass was my own uterus. It was not an easy decision to reach but, after struggling with so many failed IVF’s, miscarriages, and loss of hope, what did we have to lose? Is it very expensive? Yes. Is it a daunting and daring undertaking? Yes! Was it worth it in the end? Heck YEAH! Our wonderful carrier has always been an invaluable part of our family since carrying our son and will continue to be so forever. I firmly believe that my blood clotting issues, fibroids, and endometriosis contributed greatly to my many miscarriages and having a healthy uterus in which to implant our embryos made all the difference. Our son had the best chance he would ever had and I am eternally grateful to our GC for giving life to our boy.
How do you go about finding one? It’s a tough road here. You can contact agencies and they can do all of the maneuvers to find you a perfect candidate or you can undergo this search on your own…if you’re interested, contact me and I’ll be happy to forward more information to you.
STEP 7- UNDERGO ANOTHER IVF- Hear me out, please. I know that you’re tired of trying and if you’ve reached the end of your journey, then I applaud you for how far you’ve traveled. You are a strong warrior and will always be one. However, if you still have one more fight within you, then consider changing it up ALOT and finding a new clinic, RE, protocol, procedure that can hopefully change your outcome. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve heard someone hear from one RE that they will never be able to conceive their own biological child, only to be told by another one that they still have a chance. Take my story into consideration….after 5 failed IVF’s and lots of “No’s” I decided to hop on a flight to the top-rated clinic in the nation-CCRM and meet with its founder, Dr. William Schoolcraft. I was clearly at my wit’s end and looking for closure. Whereas all of my RE’s in my home state told me to just walk away, he told me the opposite and said “This is a brand new place for you so leave your bags at the door.” He couldn’t have been more right! His clinic was the one that brought us the embryo which would become our blessed son.
Don’t know where to look? How to afford another one? Then please re-read our suggested articles in our previous guide:
Read these informative posts, as well as use our search bar for more information on IVF’s :
STEP 8– FINDING A RESOLUTION. As I said before, if you’ve gotten this far, for this long then you are someone who continues to believe in all things are possible. If not, you would have walked away long before now. As you decide on how best to continue your journey, consider that success can be measured in many ways and your journey’s end just might not be the way you originally envisioned it.
Let’s be clear here…what is your most fervent desire? It’s to be a mother/father to a child of your own, right? And in the most basic sense, you fall in love with your child’s soul and the person they are meant to be, right? That’s why some couples see the great need that exists in our world and adopt and raise a beautiful child who is clearly destined to be loved by two people who love him/her as if they were biologically theirs. The same can be said of couples who decide to use donor eggs or donor sperm. It’s your baby, regardless of how they come to you so take comfort in the knowledge that you will become a parent, one way or another. That perfect little soul waiting to meet you will happen someday, trust me.